Leadership Starts From Within

By Dr. Richard Norris

The global recession, directly or indirectly, will impact leadership - yours, your market, your competition, your region and, yes, your nation. Why?

Because leadership is ubiquitous. It is all around us. It is of primary importance. Yet, it is seemingly underserved, undervalued and under resourced. Need some proof?

According to the Development Dimensions International 's Global Leadership Forecast 2008/09 (1) from research of 1493 HR professionals and 12,208 business leaders across 76 countries: 

• 75% of business leaders identified that improving or leveraging of leadership talent was their #1 priority.
• Only 41% of business leaders are satisfied with the help they get to develop leadership capabilities.
• One of the core needs within organizations is to create a sustainable supply of quality leaders.
• The primary skill shortfall amongst organizations is in leadership skills and interpersonal skills.

Leadership is a leaking bucket. All organizations, large and small, from the family to local sport team to government to the boardroom of a leading global company, will at some time need to replace leaders. This arises from necessity and/or from natural attrition. From the information above, there is clearly a pervasive problem or, in a more positive tone, there is an opportunity - an opportunity to address this chronic shortcoming. How?

Start with yourself. Leadership starts from within.

Insights

Definition

To begin to explore this important distinction let's start by looking at the definition of leadership.According to the Oxford Dictionary leadership is the action of leading a group of people or an organization, or the ability to do this.

And...

To lead is to cause (a person or animal) to go with one by holding them by the hand, a halter, a rope, etc. while moving forward.

Leadership therefore requires influence, direction and action. However, for leadership to manifest so that others follow, it stands to reason that the leader, whoever or whatever that may be, must first influence themselves, give self-direction and act on that direction.

Chronic Question

There exists a perennial question about leadership - "Are leaders born or made?" or to rephrase it "Nature versus nurture".

Why does it need to be one or the other? Do you see many babies leading Fortune 500s or governments or the local sports team? Regardless of your opinion or perceptions one thing is for sure. Leadership is something into which you grow. Importantly, we are all born to lead ourselves at least!

In nature there must be reasonably synchronous growth regardless of the "ecosystem". Teenagers may experience growing pains when their bones are growing at a faster rate than their muscles. Our DNA is programmed so that eventually growth levels out and all systems are aligned and developed to their full design specification.

An individual promoted to a new role in an organization can experience a skill, attitude and/or ability gap compared to the new demands. To address the gap or deficit, the same individual must seek within first and begin the process of change there.

Admittedly, in organizations it is possible to experience growing pains too - sales and demand exceed the ability to supply and/or service the customer. Leadership must, therefore, develop within the organization to address the imbalance and ensure that harmony is restored.

What Does Google Have To Say?

As Google is the #1 search engine, it gives an impartial and objective perspective on leadership.

Just by typing in "leadership" yields 118 million results - sites, references etc. According to Google AdWords searches on the word "leadership" receives >4 million hits globally per month. Both of these facts suggest that leadership is a topic of significant interest and that there is a huge diversity of data, opinions, perceptions, models, styles, concepts and experts. The monthly searches also suggest there is a perpetual quest for answers, solutions and information on leadership.

Interestingly, when the global search is narrowed there are only: 

• 4400 hits per month for "successful leadership"
• 33,100 hits per months for "effective leadership" and
• 18,100 hits per month for "self-leadership".

It is interesting that, in the face of all the need out there for leadership, the refined search on successful and effective leadership globally produces comparatively so few hits. Why is that? Is there a global delusion that we just need to know more about leadership or just understand it better rather than define what it takes to make a good leader or even a great one or to establish a legacy of outstanding leadership?

People - Your Most Important Asset

The mantra that people are your most important asset is spoken around the world. Too bad the mantra is wrong.

People are not your most important asset - the right people are. And that is especially true for the right leaders. The right leaders will attract, inspire, develop and retain the right people. The right leaders will be intent on growing other leaders. The right leaders will start by growing themselves - from the inside out. They know that to be a great leader they have to establish their own strong foundation of principles, values and attitudes.

A skills-based approach to leadership, however, takes an outside-in approach. That is where many individuals, teams and organizations get it wrong and contribute significantly to the statistics of the Global Leadership Forecast 2008/9. A skills approach to leadership assumes that good foundations have been laid upon which to lay the skills. To outright ignore examining and establishing the right foundation is in place is a huge risk. Regrettably, whether assumptions have been made or the matter outright ignored, this often equates, effectively, to throwing skills on Teflon. The result is skills will not stick.

Applying the skills-based approach, consider a formula for success, here applied to leadership, as Be x Do = Have. Have = good right leadership. Do = skills. Be =? Without addressing the 'Be' it is no surprise that leadership is chronically found wanting. 

You get the people you deserve. It's your decision. For you to attract and lead better people you need to become the leader those people need and desire. That means you must invest in yourself first.

Where to Start

The majority of leaders should know and understand that people are the core building block of their team and/or organization. But to be an effective leader, you need to know the core building block of your people - their respective roles.

Many organizations just look at their people in their professional capacity. Whilst they may invest in their development and endeavour to lead them they often miss the mark. To ensure that your leadership "fits" and attracts the right people doing the right things to generate the right results, you need to ensure that you take into account all the roles each person comes to work with - within and outside the team or organization. This means you must address their personal roles outside of work e.g. parent, spouse, charity volunteer, team captain of local hockey team and coach of daughter's swim team (5 roles).

All of a person's roles show up at work. A leader is no different. They have as many if not more roles. The right leader will be addressing their growth and development in each role according to priorities and available "resources" (time, money etc.).

Self-leadership therefore begins by identifying core roles, prioritizing them, planning their development and then acting on the plan. To do all that it must begin from within.

Relationships

Interestingly, a leader will attract into their lives people and circumstances from which to learn and grow. Life is, after all, a mirror. The quality of your leadership is determined by the quality of your relationships.

There are two often quoted adages - love your neighbour as yourself and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. These both stress the importance of meaningful relationships and emphasize that all relationships start with you.

So leadership starts with your relationship with yourself. To improve your relationships with others so that you can become a better leader, you need to improve your relationship with yourself first. Regrettably, this revelation is often overlooked and/or not given the attention it is due.

A Critical Ingredient

Any relationship starts with you. Leadership starts with you. Self-leadership (and any leadership for that matter), to be effective, is dependent on the ability to communicate well - internally and externally. There is plenty of focus on external communication. For example, throughout the school systems around the world there is an emphasis regarding training around the messages from our mouth and from our pen or keyboard. However, what has been sadly overlooked is the greater importance of our internal communication.

All communication starts as a thought before it is translated into words and messages. How many of us have allowed ourselves to "speak first and think later"? What was the result? In many instances it likely created some unwelcome ripples in your life and in your leadership.

We all have an internal voice - actually we have two - our internal ally or our internal adversary. Our ally is working for us. Our adversary is working against us. As a leader which voice is loudest most often or to which one do you listen to most? When the adversary prevails it is often because we are reacting to a situation or challenge. Self-leadership knows to proactively and consciously control the voice to which it listens.

With self-leadership our internal (and external) communication must be open, honest, clear, timely and, at times, radical. Integrity then flows from this. When our thoughts line up with our words our actions will follow in alignment. We are congruent. We walk the talk. When we do that people do what people see. Your self-leadership then flows into leadership.

Parting Questions

To help initiate your self-leadership here are some extremely helpful questions for you to consider: 

1. What is the detailed profile of the ideal leader for you, your team or your organization?
2. What are the foundations for self-leadership?
3. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being poor and 10 being excellent) how do you score on self-leadership?
4. In the event you did not score a 10 for #3 what do you need to be and/or do to improve your score to an 8+?
5. How do you encourage and develop self-leadership individually and/or as team or organization?
6. Where applicable, how will you integrate self-leadership into your existing leadership development?

Summary:

There is a global need for leadership - always will be. The important distinction is the need for great leadership. Great leaders lead themselves well first. But before they become great they know they have to grow into it. To do that means they must invest in themselves first and begin that by developing themselves from the inside out role by role. Ultimately, the quality of your leadership is determined by the quality of your relationships which are determined by the quality of your internal or self-communication.

Leadership brings change. Change is inevitable; growth is optional. To grow as a leader, whether as an individual, team or organization, you must therefore change. That change must begin with you. Leadership starts from within you.

References:

1. http://www.ddiworld.com/thoughtleadership/globalleadershipforecast2008.asp

Copyright 2011 Serendipity Global Ltd & Dr Richard Norris

Dr Richard Norris delivers global transformation through a focus on self-leadership delivered through coaching and speaking (although he prefers the term "messaging". He is the author of Hoof it! 7 Key Lessons on Your Journey of Success, an engaging parable, and a contributing author and editor in several business books and publications.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Dr._Richard_Norris/767038

The 15 Biggest Reasons Why Relationships Fail

By Tim Connor

I could go on for hours with hundreds of reasons why relationships fail regardless of their length and status but I believe there are some critical ones that are directly or indirectly responsible for the failure of relationship.

The following are in no special order and there are always degrees relative to these issues. It's never an - all or nothing - when it comes to traits, attitudes, behaviors or mindsets.

Keep in mind that many of these issues happen because people lack the maturity, patience, compassion or the skills or courage to be willing to grow together, learn together or just let go of their prejudices or clean out their emotional filters that are always filled with a variety of old baggage issues and emotional wounds.

Keep in mind that all relationships are either getting better or worse, they are dynamic and ever changing. Nothing ever stays the same as each person grows independently of their partner and the relationship in general undergoes a variety of changes due to many factors. So here are the fifteen.

One - They lose the romance and intimacy. Romance and continued intimacy is not about the quality or frequency of sex. It is purely keeping the mystery, fun, closeness and emotional connection. When the romance fades so does the closeness, laughter and togetherness. When I refer to romance I am speaking only about the creative ways each of you bring excitement, surprise, uniqueness and adventure and yes - love into the relationship.

Two - There is no effective conflict resolution process. Disagreement and conflict are a normal part of every relationship no matter how close, strong or long lasting. Conflict when not dealt with in a respectful and understanding way will lead to withdrawal, editing of communication and generally failing to maintain openness and a safe emotional environment.

Three - There is a lack of acceptance for their partner. From the human perspective no one is perfect. We all have flaws, opinions, prejudices, beliefs and values that are unique. When two people come together in a relationship it is normal that from time to time your partner will do or say things that drive you nuts. The inability to unconditionally accept your partner for who they are will eventually lead to increased conflict and emotional distance.

Four - One or both people let their ego get in the way. The ego needs to be right or better than others. When both people allow their ego to get out of control in a relationship it will then be filled with stress, disagreement, conflict, frustration and anxiety. Not good emotions to harbor if you want a loving and nurturing relationship.

Five - One or both partners are stuck and are unwilling to compromise. No one way is always better or right. No one is always right. There is no right or wrong just different ways of seeing things. When one person gets stuck in their perceived way of believing, talking, feeling or acting and fails to accept that their can be another or even better way - it's inevitable that this mindset will lead to increased tension, stress and conflict.

Six - There are hidden or personal agendas that sabotage the relationship. A personal agenda is nothing more than a goal or need. When these are not in the open or are in conflict with your partner's goals or needs you can count on increased conflict, arguments, assumptions or misunderstanding.

Seven - There is a lack of trust. When mutual trust leaves the relationship every other aspect of the relationship will suffer. All relationships to be successful and enduring must be grounded in mutual trust. Trust is nothing more than knowing that your partner will always be honest no matter what.

Eight - There is a lack of respect. Respect is a cousin of trust. Respect honor's your partner's goals, desires, dreams, plans or activities. You don't have to like them or agree with them but you must honor them. To honor them means that you don't try and change them, criticize them or belittle them for any reason.

Nine - There is emotional manipulation. Emotional manipulation is simply using guilt, blame, anger, withdrawal, jealousy or some other emotional game playing to get what you want, to punish your partner for some reason or to control them in some way.

Ten - There is a lack of loyalty by one or both people. Loyalty is directly connected to the trust issue, but it is in the end a behavior that in some way says - I need something or someone else to give me what you can't or won't. When loyalty leaves your partner may leave next. I'm not just referring here to having affairs but also when your job, interest, hobby, personal agenda, career or business always seem to be more important than your partner or their fears, needs, desires or plans.

Eleven - There is insufficient appreciation or recognition. The single thing that people crave is appreciation and recognition for their effort, creativity, surprises, extra work etc. When this appreciation or recognition is lacking sooner or later these acts will become less and less and soon end altogether.

Twelve - Communication lacks integrity, responsiveness or is dysfunctional. Communication is a complicated issue when it comes to human behavior and its assumptions, misunderstanding, confusion and even misleading messages. If you both can't be open and honest and feel the need to hide feelings, thoughts, actions - whatever - or you need to constantly edit your messages for fear of punishment, retribution or criticism - this is sure sign that things are coming to an end.

Thirteen - There is a great deal of invalidation. Invalidation is basically when you do or say anything that makes another person feel unimportant, not valued, insecure, disrespected or worthwhile. It could be things as simple as - always being late, interrupting them, not listening to them or criticizing them in front of others.

Fourteen - There is a get or take rather than give mindset by one or both people. Giving rather than getting will always make a person happier and better about themselves. There are two types of people in the world when it comes to this issue - givers and takers. Takers need people to give to them and givers need to give to others. Givers rather than takers are always happier and more content in life. The problem is that most relationships are made up of - one giver and one taker. Both tend to get what they need when it comes to giving and taking but in the end both will soon tire of their partner's behavior.

Fifteen - Expectations are unmanaged or not communicated with integrity. We all have expectations of others. Some are immature or dysfunctional while others are grounded in reality and even respect. But in the end if your expectations are not communicated you will begin to feel more and more disappointment with your partner's lack of honoring your expectations. They can't honor them or even consider accommodating them if they are not expressed.

That's it folks. Got any of these issues or challenges in your relationship that are not being dealt with, overcome, addressed or managed in a positive way? If not you better get started before it's too late.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Tim_Connor/43189

Tony Robbins Motivation 2017 | The Key To Healthy Relationships

A follow-on from last week; take a look

9 Reasons Why Relationships Fail

By Gerry Restrivera

Is your relationship going downhill? Maintaining a relationship is not easy and most couples encounter a few bumps along the road to a lasting relationship. If not recognized earlier, these bumps could push couples to take the relationship to the wrong direction leading to break-ups or divorce. It is important to recognize these relationship killers ahead of time to avoid further damage. There are reasons why relationships fail and once these reasons are recognized ahead of time, you'll have a better chance of saving your troubled relationship. Although no one can enumerate all the reasons why relationships fail, we have listed here the top reasons. So what are these relationship killers?

Poor or lack of communication. One way to connect with each other is for couples to have a strong and regular communication. Couples tend to drift apart due to poor or lack of communication. Many relation problems start with lack of communication. Assuming that you know what your partner or spouse is thinking is dangerous to your relationship. Misunderstandings and arguments are often the result of not communicating with your spouse or partner. If this is happening in your relationship then you should know that this is one of the reasons why relationships fail and you have to do something to improve the communication in your relationship.

Not supportive with each other's goals, ambitions and careers. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the issues with careers and ambitions between couples. When two people in a relationship have different goals and ambitions and cannot compromise or support each other, the relationship may suffer in the end. It is given that two people naturally have different ambitions and careers to pursue but in a relationship, it is best to support each other's interest or careers to avoid strain in the relationship. It is easier to make the relationship work with a partner or spouse who believes and supports their spouse's or partner's career. If 100% understanding, acceptance and support is not possible, at least a partner or spouse should be open to compromise and willing to find a work around to make both their careers and relationship work. Sacrifices and compromise is inevitable. Of course, both should know how to balance their careers with their love life. It is easier said than done but it is not impossible. There are couples who are both successful in their careers at the same time lead a happy and strong relationship.

Not getting along with your partner's friends and family. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the conflict with people closest to your spouse or partner. Let's face it, the world does not revolve around you and your partner alone. There are people around you like friends and families that both you and your partner cannot live without. Not getting along with people closest to your partner can put a strain in your relationship. A situation where you and your partner's mother or best friend can't see each other eye to eye or can't stay in the same room can be really stressful in the relationship. Holiday dinners and family gatherings can be difficult if you are not in good terms with your spouse's family and friends. If you want to create a long-lasting relationship with your partner, it is best to get along with people important to him or her.

Life's issues and baggage. There are life's baggage and issues when brought to a relationship can cause damage. A lingering ex can ignite jealousy, suspicion and distrust that can put a strain in your current relationship, so it is best to be clear with your ex that everything is already in the past and that you are serious with your current relationship. Comparing your current relationship with your previous relationships is also dangerous and damaging to your relationship. Children and issues from previous marriage can be challenging and can also affect your relationship so it important to know how to handle these things and make your current relationship work. One of the reasons why relationships fail is the failure to deal with your life's issues and baggage.

Money issues. Financial issues is one of the reasons why relationships fail. If not addressed properly, money issues can kill your relationship. The stress brought by financial woes and struggles can eventually ruin a relationship. People or couples stressed with financial issues can become irritable, irrational, hostile and cold with their spouse or partner and these behaviors can slowly kill a relationship. It is best to be honest from the start about your financial status, be open to discuss each other's spending habits, money sharing and expenses. With effective and open-minded communication, strategies and compromise about money, a financially challenged couple can work things out and can save their marriage.

Infidelity. Keeping a relationship between two people is hard enough but involving a third party or cheating a partner is a bomb that can instantly kill a relationship. Infidelity is the ultimate relationship destroyer and some relationships won't be able to survive this. Betraying the trust of your partner is one of the top reasons why relationships fail. The feeling of being replaced or being betrayed is not easy to cope with and so the betrayed spouse or partner often walk out of the relationship. Although there are couples who were able to survive cheating and make the relationship work again, it is best to not to commit infidelity in the first place if you want a long-lasting relationship.

Disgusting behaviors and habits. Although it is true that loving someone includes accepting all his or her flaws, in reality there are habits that can become annoying over time and can push your partner to wake up one day and realize he or she wants to get out of the relationship. Even simple things like not putting back the toothpaste cap, not making the bed, not putting the soiled laundry in the laundry bin or leaving dirty shoes and socks around the house can be magnified if things are not going well in your relationship and these can trigger your partner to finally end the relationship. Nagging, being a war freak, fighting in public, humiliating your spouse or partner, name calling or cursing when arguing, holding on grudges, hitting your spouse or partner when you are angry, throwing things when arguing, too much or unreasonable jealousy, avoiding discussions about the issues in your relationship, lying or being dishonest with your spouse or partner are some of the bad behaviors that can damage a relationship and could lead to break-ups or divorce. Being in a relationship should teach couples to be better people and not become worse so it is better to change for the better to create a strong relationship than acquire unfavorable habits or behaviors that can eventually damage your relationship.

Things in your relationship becomes a routine. The fire and excitement in the relationship could die because you became too comfortable or complacent with each other that things become more of a routine than an act of love. You become more like siblings or friends than lovers. Being too comfortable with each other takes away the excitement and the romance in the relationship and it makes the relationship boring and a routine. When couples do the same things together over and over again, they stopped growing as an individual and as a partner. Break the routine and spice up your relationship. There are things and interests that you can do separately to grow as a person and there are things that you can do together to bond with each other. It is important to allow your spouse or partner to have his or her own space to do his or her own thing or enjoy the company of his or her friends but it is also important to have time alone with each other through regular dates or vacations to bond with each other and create new and exciting memories.

Lack of intimacy and sex. Life can become too busy and complicated that couples may end up too busy or stressed for intimacy or sex which is not a good thing in a relationship. Couples need to connect intimately emotionally and physically and the best thing to do it is through sex. Sex could dry up in a long-term relationship and couples tend to have less sex through the years. Couples should prevent this from happening. Lack of intimacy or sexual dissatisfaction is one of the reasons why relationships fail. When couples stop having sex, they tend to get disconnected and detached from each other and they become susceptible to infidelity. It is best for couples to maintain an active sex life to keep the connection and make the relationship more alive and exciting. Although it is important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner through regular sex, couples should know that it is not good to put pressure on your spouse or partner to engage in frequent sex. You don't have to have sex everyday but there are studies saying that having regular sex once a week is ideal and enough to maintain that intimate connection between couples. There are many hindrances to accomplish this like stress at work, stress in everyday life, taking care of the children and the state where you are not in the mood for sex but like any other issue in your relationship, the frequency and timing of having sex should be discussed and planned. Intimate connection through sex is vital in every romantic relationship and when couples are not having enough connection through sex, they have to do something to fix this problem to save the relationship.

Are you having trouble dealing with a difficult or troubled marriage? Visit Saving a Troubled Relationship

Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including 9 Reasons Why Relationships Fail. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Gerry_Restrivera/70435

Anthony Robbins: The Key to Outstanding Relationships

Worth taking a look even if your relationship is already great!  Enjoy 😂