How to believe in yourself: Jim Cathcart at TEDxDelrayBeach

Another great TED talk - listen to Jim Cathcart and start believing!

Building Self-Confidence With Self-Belief

By Stephen Zaba

Do you realize that building self-confidence is in direct proportion to how much self-belief we have for ourselves and in everything that we set out to do. We come up against many obstacles in life, starting from early childhood and the obstacles become larger as we grow older.

It is a question of how we deal with them and as we reach adulthood, there are some decisions that can define how successful or unsuccessful we become. In all areas of life and occupations, it is our self-belief that will create our destiny.

When our self-belief is strong, our confidence rises and when our self-belief falters, then our confidence ultimately dwindles.

You only have to look in areas of achievement, like sport, where in some cases the odds are stacked against the competitor, where they fail time and time again, but still have the self-belief and spirit to keep going and have that 'never say die' attitude.

They refuse to give up and look at failure as just another step on the road to success. The same can be said about other groups of individuals who are impaired by disabilities, but they find an inner strength and belief to accomplish near impossible feats.

Building self-confidence in these two examples is not an option, because they have it in abundance. Their self-belief is so strong and unwavering, that their confidence remains high at all times. 

By having the determination, persistence and focus to achieve, we can also have that same self-belief. Without it, the aim of building self-confidence and making it a reality will never happen.

Are you ready to start believing in yourself? What are you passionate about? What do you love doing? Are you ready to make a difference in your life? These are questions you need to ask yourself and let your self-belief raise your confidence to new heights.

Leave the past behind and make a fresh new start. Believe you are capable of anything you want to achieve. Decide on what you are going to pursue and don't give up until you achieve it. Let your confidence soar and make it happen. It all starts with that five inches between your head!

Don't let setbacks defeat you. We all have them, it is a part of life and it is how you deal with them that is important. Look at failure as a step nearer to success. If Thomas Edison would have given up, there would have been no light bulbs. He failed his way to success!

Set your sights on the finishing line and have the belief to achieve your dreams. There is something remarkable about self-belief that feels like magic. You feel in control of all that you do. You have the confidence to take the next step in everything that you do, without fear or hesitation.

When self-belief is missing, you don't seem to want to make a choice, because fear takes over and more often than not, opportunities are missed. This is a result of lacking self-confidence, which stems from the lack of self-belief.

Your mind can only receive one thought at a time, so hold that thought of self-belief, that anything is possible and don't let any negative thought take its place.

When you wake up in the morning, think about what you want to achieve each and every day. If you falter in your daily tasks, don't beat yourself up about it, it is a learning curve and you need to move forward.

At the end of each day, maybe when you go to bed, reflect on what you have achieved for that day and be happy in the knowledge that you are showing the attributes of inner self-belief to even think in this way.

You are building self-confidence and when you start to believe in yourself, others will believe in you as well.

To receive more information on building self-confidence and letting go of negative thinking patterns, then please visit my website: [http://www.creatingnewconfidence.com]

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Stephen_Zaba/440606

How To Multiply Your Time | Rory Vaden | TEDxDouglasville

Another excellent TED talk

How You Do One Thing Is the Way You Do Most Things

By Suzanne Holman

One of the highlights at Miraval Resort in Tucson, Arizona is the Equine Experience.  I did NOT want to miss this opportunity.  I gave up my appointment for a spa treatment because it conflicted with this activity.

Purple Sage Ranch is just a dusty road away from the main resort.  Wyatt Webb, best-selling author and psychotherapist met us, loaded us up in the van and off we went to meet the horses.

We weren’t there to ride the horses, but to do simple tasks with them.  Interacting with a horse gives you insight into yourself.  The idea of the Equine Experience is that the way you do one thing is the way you do most things.

Although I hadn’t had any traumatic experiences with horses, I really didn’t have much confidence because I hadn’t even been riding for over 30 years.  And I’ve never groomed a horse.

So, our assignment was to pick out dirt from a horse’s hooves, brush him a couple of different ways, and lead him around the ring.  Later, we did another activity, lunging,  that I’ll describe in my next blog post.

Cherokee was my horse, a beautiful brown and white.  He had quite a personality, seeming to talk to us and often interacting with the fence to get our attention.  

HOWEVER, he was not about to lift his hoof for me to clean it.
I followed the described procedure.  Hoof stayed firmly planted.
I felt as though I was assertive and he should have gotten the message.

When he didn’t, I started feeling as though this wasn’t going to work for me.
AND caught myself.  Yes, I can do this.   I walked away from the horse and approached him again with the thought in my mind that he definitely was going to need to pick up his hoof and he did!    And I did the same with the second hoof.  First try.  Yay!
So, when I was really DECISIVE, he got the message.

The same thing happened when I was about to walk him around the ring.
Hmmm, I’m pulling and he is standing still.
“OK, Cherokee.  We are going for a walk and here we go.”  My assertive steps soon had his following mine very nicely.

It was really clear to me that if I were more decisive in the actions I take in my business, that I would most likely see more positive results.  Doubt and uncertainty can certainly make an announcement to all involved that they don’t want to go along with an indecisive person!

Our attitude has a lot to do with our brain health.  Thinking positively and focusing on what is going well can make a huge difference in the clarity of our thinking.

William Ackman: Everything You Need to Know About Finance and Investing ...

Take some time to learn a new skill - take a look

How To Detox Your Body For Better Health

By Sandy Halliday

It is a must to detox your body these days. A detox program enables you to cleanse your body of harmful chemicals that build up and result in many different diseases. Cancer, Parkinson’s Disease, heart disease, high blood pressure, lung disease, kidney problems, and fatty liver deposits are just a few of the conditions that have been blamed on toxins.

Harmful toxins come from our environment – pollutants from the air we breathe, the water we drink and the products we apply to our skin.  The food we eat is also a source of toxins, like the pesticides that are used in the vegetables and the hormones, antibiotics and other medicines that are injected in the meat and poultry. These are just some of the sources of harmful toxins that enter our bodies.

Although your body has its own detoxification system it cannot cope with the amount of chemicals that we are bombarded with every day. This is a major reason why it is a good idea to take steps to detox your body, to get rid of these harmful substances and eventually optimize your health and well being.

To detox your body, it is important remember that the goal is to help the body in its natural function to detoxify and eliminate toxins via the bowel, the urine and sweat. Planning to detox your body will mean undergoing a special diet regimen that will help support the detox organs.

This diet should include:

• High fiber – fiber provides bulk in the stools, prevents constipation and promotes regular bowel movements. Dietary fiber helps to prevent diabetes, lowers blood cholesterol and risk of heart disease. It also gets rid of harmful toxins which cause colon cancer. 
  

• Organically grown fresh fruits and vegetables

• Foods which are rich in vitamins and minerals that are needed for detoxification and a great source of antioxidants that acts as the body’s cleansing agent.

• Increased consumption of clean pure water to help the kidneys flush out toxins.

The ideal way to detox your body is to start avoiding sugar, processed foods, junk food, fatty food, red meat and alcohol. You should also gradually reduce coffee if you drink a lot of it and replace with herbal teas, green or white tea and pure water.

At the same time you should increase your intake of fresh fruit, vegetables, salads, whole grains, beans and lentils. Then, you can start a week of more intensive detox. Eating abundantly foods that are fresh and organically grown, consume lots of fluid, and avoid eating processed food.

Contrary to what you may think you don’t have to starve yourself or eat unusual foods when you detox your body. Simply changing the way you eat will give your detox system a chance to work better.

Discover more about how to detox your body in The Definitive Detox Diet Plan  by nutritionist Sandy Halliday. She recovered her own health with detox and has coached clients to achieve their health goals for over 20 years.

Tony Robbins: How to Handle Negative Emotions ( Tony Robbins Motivation )

We all get negative emotions - learn how to handle them

9 Things More Important Than Money

by Jim Rohn

“It’s hard to get rich fast. It’s easy to get rich slowly.”

Get more SUCCESS.com articles by Jim Rohn in his free weekly newsletter.

We all know the value of having plenty of money, especially as entrepreneurs. But we also know there are people who started enterprises with no money, who went on to make fortunes. So how did they do it? 

Jim Rohn believes there are nine things that are more valuable than capital, things that can lead straight to your success:

1. Time

Time is a treasure—the time you set aside not to be wasted, not to be given away. The time you set aside to be invested in something that brings value to the marketplace with the hope of making a profit, that’s capital time.

How valuable is time? Time properly invested is worth a fortune; time wasted can be devastation. Time invested can perform miracles—so invest yours.

Related: Rohn: 5 Tips for Using Your Time Wisely

2. Desperation

My friend and mentor Bill Bailey went to Chicago as a teenager after he got out of high school. And the first job he got was as a night janitor. Someone said, "Bill, why would you settle for night janitor?" He said, "Malnutrition." His first job might have been night janitor, but he went on to receive the Horatio Alger award and become rich and powerful—one of the great examples of lifestyle that I know.

Desperation can be a powerful incentive when you say I must. You work at whatever you can possibly get when you get hungry. You go to work somewhere—it doesn't matter where.

3. Determination

I have another friend, Lydia, whose first major investment in her new enterprise was also desperation. She needed to feed her kids—so she invested $1 in something she believed in. That $1 was used to buy a few flyers so she could make a sale at retail, collect the money and then buy the product wholesale to deliver back to the customer.

First Lydia said, "I must find a customer”—desperation. Second she said, "I will find someone before this first day is over"—determination. And sure enough, she found someone. Determination says I will.

4. Courage

If you've only got $1 and a lot of courage, you've got a good future ahead of you. Because humans can do the most incredible things no matter what happens—courage in spite of, not because of, circumstances.

5. Ambition

With courage, Lydia made three or four more sales. And once she got going, ambition took over. She thought, If I can sell three, I can sell 33. If I can sell 33, I can sell 103. Lydia was dazzled by her own dreams of the future.

Related: Rohn: How to Access the Power of Ambition

6. Faith

At this point, Lydia began to believe she had a good product, a good company. And then she started to believe in herself—Lydia, a single mother, two kids, no job. My gosh, I'm going to pull it off! Her self-esteem started to soar.

Faith is an investment that cannot be matched. Money can't touch it. What if you had a million dollars and no faith? You'd be poor. You wouldn't be rich.

7. Ingenuity

The reason Lydia is a millionaire today is because of her ingenuity—she put her brains to work.

Probably up until now, you've put about 1/10 of your brainpower to work. What if you employed the other 9/10? You can't believe what can happen. Humans can come up with the most intriguing things to do.

What's ingenuity worth? A fortune. All you need is a $1 and plenty of ingenuity. Figuring out a way to make it work, make it work, make it work.

8. Heart and Soul

Heart and soul is like the unseen magic that moves people—moves people to make decisions, moves people to act, moves people to respond.

What is a substitute for heart and soul? It's not money, because heart and soul is more valuable than a million dollars. A million dollars without heart and soul? You have no life. You are ineffective.

9. Personality

My mentor Bill Bailey taught me, "You've got to learn to be just as comfortable, Mr. Rohn, whether it is in a little shack in Kentucky having a beer and watching the fights with my friend Winfred, or in a Georgian mansion in Washington, D.C., as the senator's guest."

You've got plenty of personality. You've just got to spruce up and sharpen up it, develop it to where it is effective every day, at home anywhere, no matter who you talk to—whether it is a child or a businessperson, a rich person or a poor person. It makes no difference to you who is rich or who is poor. It’s about the chance to have a unique relationship with whomever. Have the kind of personality that's comfortable, the kind of personality that's never bent out of shape. Move with ease, with charisma and sophistication and humility.

With $1 and this list, the world is yours. It belongs to you, whatever piece of it you desire, whatever development you wish for your life. It’s the kind of capital that is more valuable than money and that can secure your future and fortune. Remember that you lack not the resources.

Get more SUCCESS.com articles by Jim Rohn in his free weekly newsletter.

How To Create a Wealthy Mindset - 21 Tips For More Money Prosperity Rich...

Get some great tips on how to improve your prosperity

How To Change The Way You Feel In 60 Seconds

By Patrick McNally Ph.D. 

People need a way to get themselves out of a bad mood. You know the one I mean. You wake up in the morning and stagger into the shower only for the hot water to be cold. Wonderful you think to yourself.

So you jump out freezing cold and quickly attempt to get dressed, only to be interrupted by the two darlings of your life (the children) fighting again. You make breakfast but no one has time to eat it and when you go to start the car, the battery is flat. So with a start like that is it little wonder that the day continues as it began?

Everyone on the planet needs a way to rid themselves of these terrible feelings. Everyone has at some time or other felt depressed, anxious, resentful, jealous, sad or angry, to name a few. The problem with all of these negative feelings is that they tend to stay around a long time because they are very powerful emotions.

Here is how to change the way you feel, simply follow my instructions.

Step 1

Think of anything that is bothering you, worrying you, making you feel sad or fearful just pick the worst thing you are going through now.

Step 2

As you keep thinking about it, let yourself detect where you feel it in your body. Some people have found their body gave them sensations in their chest, arms, stomach, throat, between their breasts (females), or at the top of their stomach (men store it here a lot). Just become aware of where it enters your body.  

Step 3

Notice which direction this feeling is moving. It has to move - feelings move all the time. For example, I want you to think about being nervous. When a person is nervous, they normally say "I have butterflies in my tummy".

Step 4

By now you should be thinking of what is causing you most concern in your life now. You should now be feeling it and know the direction in which it is moving. Now I want you to look at what it is you are seeing in your mind's eye. Is it a still image or a movie?

Go to a) if it's a picture

Go to b) if it's a movie

a) If it's a picture, place a black border around the edge and move it away from you in your mind's eye, shrinking it down to the size of a postcard. Then move it away from you again until it's the size of a postage stamp. Then when it is as small as you can make it, take a deep breath and blow it away until you can't see it anymore. At the very same time as you are doing this, I want you to place your hands on the area of your body where the feelings are. Then push the feelings in your body in the opposite direction. So, for example, if you discovered the feelings were in your lower stomach moving up, you would use your hands to move the feelings downward. As you blow the picture away you should also find you have moved the feeling from your body.

b) If you see a movie playing, pick the worst part of the movie and freeze it. Now you have a picture and can continue with the technique by following the instructions given in a).

Step 5

Test the results of your work. Try to think again about THE SAME THING that was worrying you and see and feel for yourself how remarkably different the experience is now.

No other technique has ever got close to removing negative emotions as fast as this one and I give it to you with love and blessing for an amazing life. Never let your body trick you anymore, you make the thoughts that create your feelings... now you can change your feelings about anything or anyone in your life.

You can also help your friends and family, as well as children with this technique. I've had young children who were being bullied at school suddenly not feel afraid anymore. To see their face is a joy. 

Enjoy your amazing life...

If you would like more assistance with this amazing technique you can visit my website at http://www.patrick-mcnally.com. If you are in a place where you would like to become a professional life coach and join me helping others around the world please visit my coaching company site at http://www.centralcoastlifecoaching.com.au. This is where I teach people who want to help others build the skills to offer a wonderful career for themselves. Today more than ever people need a life coach who has therapy skills as well. I have been conducting this 14 week life coaching program for more than 20 years and now you can become a life coach and earn freedom, wealth and leave your legacy.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Patrick_McNally_Ph.D./1170441

Tony Robbins Tips On Changing The Way You Feel

Great interview with Tony Robbins - take a look

Motivation Myths

By Tao De Haas

Myth 1: Motivation is something you've got or you haven't

Fact: Motivation levels are different in different people. Some people seem to be highly motivated most of the time. But before you think you are one of those people with low motivation think again. Generally we are motivated by things that matter to us, by the things we value, that are meaningful and purposeful to us. Those people who are highly motivated often have a very compelling reason to be motivated; the more compelling the reason the higher the motivation. For most people it is a matter of finding out what it is that compels them and motivation will follow.

Myth 2: You need to be positive in order to be motivated

Fact: While perhaps not obvious on the surface, you might be surprised to learn that fear is often a motivator. Most people would have heard of the carrot or stick principle; move towards the carrot and away from the stick. Some people are motivated by the reward, the gain, while others might be more motivated by fear, discomfort, potential loss or pain. Gain and pain are both strong motivating factors. In many cases it is not one or the other but a combination of both.

If you really fear something for example, say that you might lose everything you have worked for then you might be extra motivated to work hard to succeed. The fear of illness or being obese will often motivate people to stay fit and healthy. If you don't pay your mortgage you might lose your house, if you don't pay your taxes you might be in trouble with the law etc. etc. This secondary or 'negative' motivation motivates more people than you think. It is preferable to be motivated by real desire rather than by fear, but remember that you will not only be motivated for positive reasons. You might desire to be very successful as you fear insignificance or not living a purposeful life. It's important to be aware of what fuels your motivation and if that is what you really want. 

Myth 3: You have to be motivated before you start anything

Fact: This is why so many people never achieve their goals! It is like waiting for the motivation bus...it isn't coming and it never will. Don't wait! You need to get up, start moving and get going. True, sometimes the first steps might be the hardest to take. Remember that motivation means 'movement' and movement is something you can activate by creating momentum. Have you ever seen someone pulling a truck or jumbo jet on their own? Once the truck or plane starts rolling momentum is created and less effort is required. Once movement is activated, it is easier to keep it going than to make it move in the first place. In other words 'Just Do It'!

Myth 4: You think you can be motivated without a clear and specific goal

Fact: When you want to travel to a destination, first you need to know where you want to go. Like the saying in Alice in Wonderland "If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there". Imagine going to a train station and asking for a ticket, the first question asked will be 'Where to?' First you need to know where you want to go and you need a reason for wanting to go there. You need to feel the excitement of reaching your destination. The feeling of arriving at your destination needs to be more powerful than the feeling of staying where you are.

The more compelling the reason, the more it aligns with what is important to you, the more you will be 'pulled' towards it. You need to imagine and have a vivid picture in your mind (as well of external representations such as a vision board) of what this destination looks like. If you have no idea what your goal or your destination looks like and how you will feel when you get there, then why would you want to go there in the first place? You generally can't be motivated for motivation sake. You need a compelling reason and a clear purpose; somewhere to direct your attention and focus your energy.

Myth 5: You should be motivated all the time

Fact: While this might be true for some people, for most of us there are times when motivation wanes. There might be some obstacles along the way, challenges or difficulties that appear to stand in the way of reaching your destination. While some people become more determined, others might get disheartened. It is unrealistic to expect there won't be times when you might want to give up and go 'back home' to what is familiar. Remember that after the initial period there is often a time when the desire and excitement diminishes. During these times it is especially important to keep the momentum going; keep that plane or truck rolling! The key is to keep the momentum going even though part of the journey might be uphill at certain times. Remember to always keep the end in mind clearly and firmly.

Myth 6: Motivation is the same as using will power

Fact: When the going gets tough there may be times when you need to put your shoulder to the grindstone. But if your journey is only driven by will power, you are likely to tire and it's unlikely that you will succeed. If you are clear about why you want to reach your destination, together with a real desire to get there, you will use your inspiration rather than relying on will power alone. Strong desire and emotionally connecting to the excitement of reaching your destination is far more powerful than using sheer will power. Without engaging your emotions and feelings (the subconscious and the limbic part of your brain), you have to work much harder. Inspiration is more powerful than perspiration.

Myth 7: When you are motivated it gets easier and easier

Fact: "The old Gods will always come and challenge you at the border of the country that you are leaving". You want to change something and move away from a current situation, in order to achieve a goal. For most people there comes a stage which is called the point of greatest resistance. It is often when you least expect it. All of a sudden something pulls you back and stops you from moving forward. This is often just before you are about to succeed. Why? Just like being tied to an elastic band, the further you move away the stronger the pullback. The point of greatest resistance occurs just before the elastic band breaks and you hurdle forward.

In psychology this is called a 'pay off' or a 'hidden benefit'. At some point the 'pay' off, the 'benefit' of not 'travelling' any further motivates you more than the destination. Well engrained habits have a lot of pullback power. That part of you that is attached to the old habits will pull you back (especially after 3-4 weeks and then again at a later stage) as it does not want to lose those 'benefits'. When you want to move to a new way; a new world or a new country so to speak, the old habits will often try to call you back. This is one of the most important aspects to understand in the motivation process, yet it is often not addressed in popular motivation information. Why would that part of you that just wants to 'stay home' and blob in front of the TV get excited and co-operate with another part of you that wants to actively pursue your goals? You need to negotiate with these various and often conflicting aspects within yourself so they come on board. Once you understand and effectively address the pullback factor, you are far more likely to succeed.

Myth 8: People believe they are lazy

Fact: Believe it or not you are always motivated. Is a teenager lazy for not wanting to tidy up his or her room? NO! Their motivation just lies elsewhere. They might be motivated to go out with their friends, play video games or sleep. They value these things much more than tidying up their room. There is always motivation, although sometimes the motivation 'movement' might not necessarily go in a direction that is constructive or useful. So next time you think you are 'lazy' replace that thought with, I am not motivated. Labelling yourself or others as 'lazy' is very unhelpful. Labelling someone or something means that it is a fait accompli (an irreversible fact). There is nothing much that you can do about it. Exploring what does and what does not motivate you is the key to addressing motivation.

Myth 9: You've got to try harder

Fact: A real indication of lack of motivation is when we use the word 'try'. 'I will try' means I am not really committed but I feel I 'should' be. Rather than choosing to do something because we really want to, we give it a try. Have you ever met someone that has been trying to give up smoking? Answer one question: Do they or don't they smoke? The answer is they are still smoking. If they weren't they would not be trying to give it up, they would have done it. How well do you think it works when you feel you 'should' give up smoking, 'should' lose weight, 'should' drink less or 'should' exercise more, when you don't really want to?

The problem is with the implication of the word trying. Trying means it is not happening because there is not a firm decision or commitment made. I know people that have made a very clear, firm and conscious decision to smoke, despite knowing the dangers. While it is not a choice that I would make, I respect their decision. Why? They stopped the struggle.

Make up your mind, consider the cost-benefits and make a decision. The space between doing and not doing is called ambivalence. Continuously dancing 'the ambivalence dance' is very tiring, disempowering and ultimately does not get you anywhere. Stop trying; just do it or don't! Ultimately it is that easy.

Myth 10: All you need is a destination, motivation and inspiration

Fact: You need to keep on track to reach your destination, but if you haven't got a map, then what track are you on? Without a strategy it is far too easy to stray from your intended destination, your intended goal. If you haven't got a good map or navigation system you might find that all of a sudden you have come back to the place you started from. You can have all the motivation in the world, but if you leave home without knowing where you are going or how far you have travelled, you're going to feel lost and discouraged and more than likely, you will give up.

Having a system that keeps you focused and on the right track is extremely important, especially during times when your motivation is low. Having a clear vision of your destination, knowing where you're at and keeping track of your travels and progress is one of the most essential aspects as it encourages you and leads you to act. This is such an important and fundamental element of achieving what you want to achieve, yet it's probably one of the most neglected. There is so much information about motivation yet often the most important aspects are absent. Many people, books and products can inspire you and get you on your way, but that is the easy part. After that you are left to your own devices and this is why most people don't stay the course or reach their intended destination.

Determining where you want to go and understanding the all-important why factor as well as having access to practical tools, resources and support to help get you there (from start to finish) is what people really need to succeed. With this in mind, using a specifically tailored system to help you stay on track is the most beneficial tool one can use.

Numerous studies have shown that people who set goals consistently achieve more in life than those who do not. Yet there is so much more to goal setting than most people think. Not only do people need to be clear about what they want, they need to create an environment for success and achievement; an environment that guides and supports them, keeps them focused and on the right track.

Just think about New Year resolutions. Despite having the best intentions, most people don't make it past the 7th day of January! At Minds with Integrity we have developed a unique and personalized system that will help you move from hoping and wishful thinking to living your life according to what is really important to you. Experience immediate and tangible outcomes with a system that gets results.

The Life Navigation System is your own personal GPS; an easy and practical online DIY coaching system. It puts you in the driver's seat and more in control of your life and where you are heading.

Sign up for your free trial and test drive The Life Navigation System today. Take your free test drive now.
https://www.mindswithintegrity.com/Home/Mi_Community.aspx

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Tao_De_Haas/971610

Advice From The Most Successful People On The Planet | JUST MOVE FORWARD...

Fantastic advice from some great people - Tony Robbins, Warren Buffet and others

Facing Your Feelings to Tackle Depression

By Matt Broadway-Horner

Discerning Helpful Negative Emotions

Helpful negative emotions are less trouble than unhelpful ones and part of the human experience. Feeling sad, disappointed, embarrassed, annoyed, remorseful, jealous, and so on is part of life. These emotions are useful in helping you discover how to deal with experiences and how you fit in with other people.

Example

I'm 30 minutes late meeting my brother, and he's disappointed. He believes, however, that I wasn't intentionally late and is flexible enough to understand that life happens. The fact that I was late doesn't mean that I don't care about him but instead that I was simply stuck in traffic. Here, disappointment is a helpful negative emotion that brings about a discussion and develops an understanding, which helps people to trust each other better. This understanding leads in turn to feeling accepted and supported

Even a negative emotion such as anger can be helpful, too. To understand this, you need to accept that you can experience such a thing as justified anger, which can help you to recognise injustice, abuse, mistreatment, and so on, and motivate you to take action to prevent or stop it happening. So, in these circumstances, anger would be helpful

Identifying Unhelpful Negative Emotions

Unhelpful negative emotions play a big part in depression. They can feel overwhelming and are certainly more problematic than helpful negative emotions. Using the same scenario as in the preceding section, the following example illustrates the unhelpful emotion of hurt.

Example

I'm 30 minutes late to meet my brother, and he's hurt because he thinks I intended to be late. He attributes this belief to past hurts and begins to dwell on them. This unhelpful negative emotion spirals out of your feelings, often in one word such as hurt, angry, happy, sad, and so on. People often misunderstand negative emotions and say they feel irritable when they're really anxious or feel angry when they're actually really hurt, so correctly naming your emotions is a great start in discovering how to respond to them appropriately

As soon as you become aware of a negative feeling, asking yourself what was going through your mind that explains why you're feeling negative (in other words, you're looking for the thought/feeling connection) can help you recognise what you're really thinking

The meaning that you attach to events is what causes your emotional response to that event:

• You can place a positive meaning on the event, which leads to happiness and contentment
• You can attach a negative meaning to an event, which leads to unhelpful negative emotions and self- defeating behaviour

In turn, many emotions carry with them an urge to respond by acting in a certain way (the feeling/ behaviour connection). For example:

• You feel scared, you run away
• You feel hungry, you eat
• You feel upset, you cry
• You feel tired, you sleep

In depression, relevant examples may be:

• You feel hopeless, you give up trying
• You feel stuck, you do nothing
• You feel fatigued, you lie around
• You feel unwanted and/or unappreciated, you withdraw and avoid people
  

Remember

Unfortunately, following these behavioural urges when you're depressed only makes things worse because the feeling/behaviour connection becomes a trap that keeps you depressed and maintains your negative feelings

Changing Your Attitude

The good news is that when you become aware of the thought/feeling and feeling/behaviour connections, you can use this knowledge to change your attitude and response to negative emotions. In this way you begin to tackle your depression and start to lift your mood. This awareness and ability to take conscious decisions about your response to negative emotions is called emotional intelligence. I describe emotional intelligence in more detail in the later section 'Managing Your Emotions,' but as an illustration, take a look at the following example of Joe's journey of self-control and causes him to sulk - a self-defeating behaviour leading to isolation and withdrawal. No discussion takes place of the event, and the result is a troubling distance in our relationship

To look at another emotion used in the preceding section in another light, anger can be an unhelpful negative emotion, too. Unhelpful anger is usually unjustified, occurring when you find yourself feeling anger that is out of proportion to the circumstances. Unhelpful anger is usually based on unhealthy sensitivities based on previous experiences. For example if, you experienced ridicule or bullying at school you may develop a sensitivity to this and scan for signs that people are about to ridicule you. You may engage in mind reading or misinterpret innocent banter as bullying, and get inappropriately angry

Seeing the Value In Some Negative Emotions

Recognising that some negative emotions can be helpful and contain positive benefits is important, because when you're depressed you tend to see all negative emotions as unhelpful. As you come to see that helpful negative emotions are normal and natural, you can accept and tolerate them better and use them productively. For example, feeling guilty can be really useful if you employ it to motivate yourself to respond differently the next time you find yourself in a similar situation

Appreciating the Thought/Feeling and Feeling/Behaviour Connections

You may not be able to turn frogs into princes or everyday metals into gold, but you do something equally amazing: You can turn mere feelings into actual behaviours at the drop of a hat, usually without even knowing it. Thoughts and feelings are intimately linked, and the same applies to feelings and behaviour. Understanding these connections is vitally important when combating depression. You don't have to be at their mercy, and following the suggestions that I provide in this section (such as altering your attitude) allows you to find a way out of what can seem like (but certainly doesn't have to be) a vicious circle

Remember

You don't feel anything without thinking something to make you feel that way (the thought/feeling connection). This truth helps you to recognise and name discovery, from unhelpful anger, via helpful annoyance, toward some contentment

Example

Joe is queuing up at a bank cash machine, and someone pushes in front of him in the queue. Joe thinks that the other man has deliberately been rude and dismissive toward him. He believes that if he's walked over, he's an idiot. He's not going to allow other people to see him being treated like an idiot or else they'll think that he's weak and useless (not a real man). These thoughts cause Joe to feel angry and threatened (the thought/feeling connection) and he experiences an urge to react. This feeling/behaviour connection leads to an urge to attack

If Joe acts on his feelings, he may get into an argument or even a fight with the man, causing him further problems and perhaps negative emotions such as guilt or regret. If he doesn't act on these urges, however, because he's depressed he's likely to interpret his non-action negatively, feeling he's a failure and telling himself that he's a wimp who lets people walk all over him

Mythbuster

This 'dammed if I do dammed if I don't' scenario is called a double-bind situation and is very common in depression. It can cause a sense of hopelessness and thoughts of 'I can't win.' But you don't need to think that way and you can find a way out of this apparent impasse. Being aware of the problem gives you the choice of changing your attitude about it, as the following revised scenario of Joe's problem illustrates

Example

Joe is queuing up at the cash machine, and again someone pushes in front. Joe reminds the individual that he has jumped the queue, hoping that the man listens and moves to his correct position. But he doesn't. Joe thinks to himself, 'This is a misguided individual, but the fact that he chooses not to listen to me doesn't mean I'm a doormat and the event has no relevance to my self-esteem'

This change of attitude and use of emotional intelligence leads to a change in emotions and an altered behavioural urge

CBT in the City Clinics. The founder of the clinics is Matt Broadway-Horner and he has associates who offer expert services to all on on an individual or group basis. The CBT Clinics offers the following approaches like Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Imagery, Reprocessing and Re Scripting Therapy (IRRT), Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), Compassion focused CT, Behavioural Activation (BA) and Functional Analytic Psychotherapy (FAP). These are approaches are all within the CBT Tradition. Visit my website: http://www.cbtinthecity.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Matt_Broadway-Horner/1683674

A Habit You Simply MUST Develop

Take a look at this video and develop this good habit

5 Things Successful People Do Before 8 a.m.

Get up before 8am and become more successful!  Good luck!

5 Things Successful People Commit Themselves to Doing

By Sonia Thompson

When you’re trying to reach a goal, spend time learning from the people who’ve already achieved what you want to do. Because sometimes it’s better to learn from the battle scars of others than earn your own.

Over the last two years, I’ve picked the brains of people at the top of their field for my podcast. I’ve interviewed more than 100 entrepreneurs, and in each episode, I ask my guests for the keys to their success.

Not surprisingly, there were many interesting answers. But there were a few principles I heard repeatedly that were critical to getting these business owners where they wanted to go. Their advice is so universal, it transcends beyond entrepreneurship to anyone working to achieve a goal.

So, without further ado, here are the top five things I learned that successful people commit themselves to doing, no ifs, ands or buts about it.

1. Be persistent.

There’s an old Japanese proverb that says, “Fall seven, rise eight.” Failure, obstacles and setbacks are an inevitable aspect of the journey to achieving anything meaningful. In fact, it’s those failures that propel you forward. Failure gives you the clues to know what works and what doesn’t, so you can adjust as needed.

But failure scares people; it prevents them from even trying. For others, after a few slammed doors, they decide they are done. Successful people commit themselves to not giving up, no matter how many times they fall on their face.

A growing body of research backs up the benefits of persistence. In her New York Times best-selling book Grit, Angela Duckworth presents numerous sources that whittle down the essence of the mindset it takes to break through:

“Grit depends on a different kind of hope. It rests on the expectation that our own efforts can improve our future. ‘I have a feeling tomorrow’ will be better is different from ‘I resolve to make tomorrow better.’ The hope that gritty people have has nothing to do with luck and everything to do with getting up again.”

Commit to achieving your goal in advance. Relentlessly pursue it, knowing that you will not stop until you win.

2. Hang out with the right people.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when embarking on a new challenge is trying to take their journey alone. You will go much farther, faster, when you have the right people by your side. Scientific data bears this out as well.

Daniel F. Chambliss, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at Hamilton College in Clinton, New York, spent years studying Olympic swimmers to understand the nature of excellence. One of his observations on how to achieve greatness is to hang around others who will push you to go farther. “The real way to become a great swimmer is to join a great team,” he says. Chambliss notes that the drive to fit in and measure up to the norms of those in your circle is what drives you to improve.

Surround yourself with people who will help you be great. For some, that means hiring a coach. For others, that means joining a mastermind group, or linking up with an accountability partner who is working toward a similar goal. Invest the time to discover who the right people are to have by your side.

3. Do the work.

People spend countless time dreaming about success but rarely do anything to make it a reality. You must put in the work, consistently. Do it when you’re motivated. Do it when you’re not. Do it when you can’t see any visible progress. Do it when it isn’t convenient.

Gary Vaynerchuk is a household name in business, but he’s quick to remind people he started at zero. He credits his success to committing himself to this principle:

“I hear people say, ‘Well how do I get in the New York Times?’ or ‘How do I get that meeting with that CEO?’ And oftentimes I just say, ‘One is better than zero.... The concept around one is better than zero is simply a call to action to do.... It’s the patience and willingness to do 500 interviews, and conference calls and meetings over coffee that never turn into anything. I mean hell, I did Wine Library TV shows every day for an entire year before anyone said a thing!”

Prepare yourself to do a lot of work. It isn’t always glamorous, but it will pay off.

4. Be self-aware.

You have to know what your strengths are and how you can leverage them to accelerate your progress. Conversely, you also have to know your weaker areas so you can figure out how to prevent them from derailing you.

Fashion designer Tina Lobondi told me she prefers focusing on the creative side of her business rather than thinking about money. But to advance her fashion label, she quickly realized that sales and finances had to be at the forefront of her mind, even though she hated it. The changes she made as a result have enabled her business to grow.

Take an honest inventory of your skills. Then make a plan for how to improve, or get help where needed.

5. Learn constantly.

You don’t know what you don’t know. But the more you dig in and do the work, the more you will gain an understanding of the areas in which you can improve.

Sometimes that means learning things outside your wheelhouse. Dr. Marc Smith is a veterinarian and co-founder of PetTao, a holistic line of pet food. He told me he discovered it was necessary to become a student again for him to grow:

“I can be the best veterinarian that’s ever walked the face of the Earth, I can have 400 degrees behind my name, but if people don’t know that, it doesn’t matter. And so I’ve embraced this idea of I have to become an excellent marketer, not only to help my business, but first and foremost to help people and their pets.”

Never stop learning. Determine the skills you need to acquire to get to the next step in your journey.

Successful people have figured out how to reach their goals through trial and error. Science has tested and proven how to do it, as well. Now all you have to do is commit yourself to these five principles so you can be the success you know you can be.

From http://www.success.com/blog/5-things-successful-people-commit-themselves-to-doing